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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Friend shot; Son being deployed; Need help and advice

Guess I will try to write two blogs tonight. I had made up my mind that I was going to be positive for a change. But shit happens and I'm not so positive tonight. We got word that one of our friends' son got shot, he is in the marines and my heart just hit the floor. Hes a really nice kid. Shot right in the chest. He did live through it but the anxiety is getting out of control knowing that my son is heading over in a few months. You know I don't know how parents deal with this. And I know its the soldiers that are putting their lives in danger for us, but the heart ache, anxiety, fear, numbness, for the parents is almost too much. I have made it through this year without him being shipped. We just found out that he will actually land there on his 21st birthday. Some birthday huh. I'm scared for him and I'm becoming a wimp. I'm very proud of all of our soldiers but am litteraly sick to my stomach.  If you know of people, parents, who are going through this please have them write me on my blog it would be much appreciated and I need to talk to someone about this who knows what its like.  I'm not sure that anyone can be prepared for what might happen, I'm trying to stay strong for my son and other kids. But I'm starting to break. The "What ifs" start. My son and I had a conversation, well a forced one, by me. He said that its just the way it is. Hes ready. He loves his job. On and on. To tell you the truth I'm not sure I was even listening to him. I was watching him and flashbacks of when he was little just role through my mind, and now he is going to war. He is very confident in how they have prepared him for combat, and to be honest when I hear him talk it really does seem like they really prepare these guys. As he was talking and my mind was rolling I was just staring at him, he is still so young. Does or is he going to be prepared to shoot someone.? He says yes. He just kept looking younger to me, maybe immature, but yet when hes in uniform or at the base, hes a different person. Very confident, strong, and proud.  I am the kind of person that feels alot better if I know about things, so I need some help from you. How will I be able to talk to him when hes over there? Do you send letters? How often do you hear from them? Anythng that you can tell me. He has to go back to death valley, again, in california for another month before being shipped out, he will get thankgiving and Christmas with us and then be gone until he deploys. I suck at goodbys and may have a nervous breakdown so it might be better for him to leave from another location. I have to keep this to myself so he isn't worrying about me worrying while hes there. I need to be strong for him, but am so sad, scared, anxious, and litteraly feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. He is my only son, has a huge heart and would do anything to help someone. Hes my hero, and I would die if I lost him.

6 comments:

  1. Looking,
    Bless your heart, I know exactly how you are feeling.
    My son was a marine, special forces at thet, 1st in, 1st out, in both Affganastan and Iraq.
    He has been out for several years now and lives a normal life.
    Show no signs of doubt for your childs decision,and be as supportive as possible, I know it is hard to do, but is important to him.
    BIG BIG HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Bob, I will take your advice. I try real hard ya know, sometimes its hard to realize that I'm not making the decisions for him now. And I want him to know that I support him. Its just the waiting, wondering. I guess I just love him so much and don't want anything to happen to him, but thats not within my control either. Hugs right back to ya!

    ReplyDelete
  3. ps bob tell your son thanks for protecting us and our country. tammy

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't know how it feels to have a son leaving to fight in a war, so I can't possibly know how hard that must be. But just let him know as often as possible how much you love him and that you are proud of him. My blessings are with you and your family for a safe return!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you Sarah and Nancy. I'm counting on God believe me. He is acting strong. But don't they have to be scared. I ask him. He says no. I don't believe him. How could you not. Thanks Again.

    ReplyDelete

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