Full of things to say but cant seem to make myself write

I wanted to just write a short post to let everyone know that I miss talking to you. I need to chat and I have so many things going on in my mind. But its almost too much to just sit down and write. Sounds crazy I know. The things that are on my mind I really don't want to talk about which means if I just keep putting it off or writing about them, I don't have to think about them.

Well started writing so now I feel like venting a bit. lol.
My son came back from training for Thanksgiving and will be working at the base near us until after Christmas. Then he will leave and We won't see him again for about two years. That is so hard to comprehend and I'm writing it but yet I don't want to talk about it cause that would make it real. And it is real, oh so real. I'm trying to figure him out right now. He seems to be distancing himself from us a bit and its hard on us but maybe that is how he is going to cope with all of this. I just dont know. He went camping by himself for two days. I thought that was really weird, he said it was nice and he had a lot to think about. He doesn't look good, like hes not sleeping. He looks old right now. I told him he looks tired or something and he said that he doesn't sleep. I'm wondering if when they are training and they are doing all the stuff at night, if that screws their body up or if he is just stressed. He is way too stressed for a kid his age, worries about everything. I'm not being a very good mom because is all I want to do is cry. So I just sit and listen to him.

Christmas is a great time of the year, I'm trying really hard to make it special for my little one just like I did the older ones. But I'm really struggling. Christmas this year is also the last time I see my son for a long time. So I'm putting it off although it is still coming.

I went to the spine center for my back a couple weeks ago. What a mistake that was. I went because the hospital said my spine was making it harder for me to breathe and not the scars from all of the blood clots. Oh my God I could have died when I saw the xrays.... It was almost like I was a third person looking at them, like I wasn't even there. Its funny how allot of doctors are so smart but yet really don't know how to talk to people. Basically what they told me is that I have a 47 degree curve in my spine again. That was fing depressing. I knew it was getting worse but thought the rod would hold it up somewhat. My spine looks like a boomerang! Thats what it reminded me of.  Surgery is not an option again unless I lose all feelings in my legs and they are just going to treat the pain. Which mean more pills. And I already get told that I take too many from people. Although they dont have my spine... right. ?

So my plan as of now is that I'm going to keep moving. The doc said that 95 percent of people with my curve would be bed ridden for life. So is what I have to do is just keep moving. He was surprised at how I could bend and was flexible. I told him half of my day was stretching and walking. so I just have to keep it up. battery is dying have to go... miss talking to all of you

Quick tip: Depression, Anxiety / Step aside fromt all negative for a while concentrate on you.

Some advice was given to me today from someone I would consider full of wisdom. If you are going through depression, postpartum, anxiety, or just to much going on in your daily life remember a few things.

Just some tips;

Stay around positive people. If you find yourself being consumed by others problems and negative attitudes, which they may be having a rough day you know. But when you are depressed etc. its all you can do to handle your own life. Its ok too. Sometimes you have to be kinda selfish. Its not that you dont care about them, its that their problems will consume you. You will stay up all night worrying about their problems and end up with your own anxiety attack. The next day they will more than likely be in a great mood and you are going through hell. Keep this in mind and see what happens. As you get stronger you will be able to handle more. But if you are at a low point just stay by positive and caring people.

I hate to sound like I dont like people because I do, but there are alot of folks who rant and rave, bring you down and know what you are going through but dont mind adding a little more stress to you. Stay away for a while. Some people actually enjoy seeing others low and having problems. Sounds bad but I have seen it ad been through it many times. Its just not important right now. Take time to get healthy before you start trying to help others with their problems. I know. Believe me. I try to be a good person but will take every problem that I hear and worry about them until Im sick.

If you start hearing negative things just walk away, you have your own shit to deal with right now. It is hard to think positive when your constantly around negative people. There will be a time when you can help them, but maybe it is you that needs the help right now. Find someone who will listen and help you for a change. Which may be a hard thing to do. If you do this for a few weeks you will be amazed at how much your stress level will go down.

Phone calls have a way of either cheering you up or bringing your whole damn day to a fing depression. Its ok not to answer the phone if you know its just going to be a bunch of negative crap. Let the phone go for a while if possible. You can talk to positive people. Try it for a few weeks. I couldn't belive how much better I felt. Try not to answer the phone for a whole day and watch your stress level go down.

When you are at work and you do your job, talk to positive people, and just go home. It will make you feel better. Although I dont know quite what to tell you if your boss is always negative. Try selective hearing I guess.

I got to the point where my doctors were telling me not to even watch the news. Bunch of bad news, disasters, murders, on and on. I have to admit it helped although I thought they were crazy.

Live, love, laugh, and stay postitive. Its a hard thing to do and I get off track quite often. It usually takes me getting sick to realize the crap I'm listening to and the shit I'm taking from everyone to make my attitude change.

Try to just focus on your own life for a few weeks. Your family, kids. Although sometimes family are the ones who bring you down. Most of the time there is someone in your family who has wisdom, can give great advice, and will actually listen. They have been through alot and dont mind sharing it. Only with a positive spin because they are older and full of wisdom.

I love to listen to older people. It is relaxing in a way. They have been through most everything we are going through but have learned how to handle life, people, problems. They will tell you how everything is just a part of your life that you go through and although it seems so big right now, it really isnt. Things have a way of working themselves out. And if you think about it they always do.

We will worry about things for months or weeks ahead of time and it usually never turns out the way you think it will. Its usually better and then I think how I wasted all of those days or weeks worrying about something that never even happened.

Try to let life take care of itself. You really arent in control. Take a few weeks and just role with life. You know that the things you are going through will change in days, weeks, maybe months. If we try to have a positive attitude and just realize we arent in contol of everything, things will work out, our lives would be so much simpler.

Make a choice to take care of yourself. Your emotiions, your health and happiness. And set the negative people and things aside for a while you will see a change. Your minds are most likely full of your own problems. Dont try to handle everything in one day. Set aside the outside influences and handle your stuff one thing at a time. God Bless All of You and let me know if it works.

Son left thank God he wasn't in Texas

I am so sorry for all the people who lost someone today in Texas at the Army Base. My son left for his last training mission on Monday and the goodbys are almost harder than him being gone. That sounds bad I know. He did get some good news today. He will have two weeks off in December before he deploys. I just talked to him on the phone and they have been training and in classes since three this morning. It was about nine and they still had a meeting and had to get all their stuff ready for tomorrow before calling it a night. They sure work hard and long hours. Who knows what his schedule will be it changes weekly. I guess thats just how they role.
I wonder:
What would bring someone to go into a place and just start killing people. I'm sure that all of them are scared or I would be. But to kill the very men who are willing to risk their lives for you??

How families have the courage to send their loved ones over to war one, two, three, or more times. How do they do this? I'm not sure how to get through it.

What I would do in a situation like this. Having someone come in and start to fire and shoot people. I would hope that I would react, hide, something. I have a feeling that I would just freeze. Not be able to move in order to react. I guess that makes me a bad candidate for our military huh...

Why we are still fighting if we are withdrawling soldiers to help support the ones on the ground. It only makes since to me that if you have young men and women fighting for our country, if we are going to continue to do this, that we do it... Give them the man power so our soldiers have support and can do what is being asked of them.  If we are going to half ass it or pull people out then bring everyone home dont just keep them over there to get killed because they dont have the man power that they need.

Now mind you this is coming from a mom whos son is getting ready to deploy and I know my view is probably one sided. I have tried to look at this from both sides and I realize that some soldiers want to come home, of course. And some of them say they wouldn't leave even if ordered too.

But I do not understand what is going on. We have all these men and women over there. They are doing what they are told. If we were at a job and couldn't complete it, didn't have enough people, someone would probably be hired. They wouldn't just let the business fail. ? Right. So They are doing their jobs and getting their support taken from them. More of our soldiers are getting killed. Either go in and get it done with all our might or bring them all home. Thats my opinion. Although I hate my son going to war, I really do think that if something is not done over there, there will be allot of trouble for us in the united states as far as terrorism.

Maybe someone could help me out and eduacate me on exactly what is going on and why I shouldn't feel this way. Please dont be negative to me, I'm trying my hardest to get through this time and my mind is scrambling for answers. I just don't understad what the hell is going on.

I have atleast one person a day tell me that obama is bringing back the troops; I have to argue with them because it makes me mad. If he is then why is my son being deployed. and the kids that I talk to that are going to iraq end up leaving after three weeks and are headed for aphganistan" spelled wrong it think. Ok had to vent.  Now I need to try to write a more cheerful blog. lol.

Naked witch on Halloween

So my brother calls me and says that his wife told him "I'm going to be a naked witch for Halloween"
She comes out all dressed up and says how to I look. He said "Great, it would be perfect if you took an iron to those wrinkles.

Now I hope that this was just a joke. lol.
The guys are all still laughing about it; girls in the family not so much.

To Maitain a Healthy Level of Insanity!!!!!!!!!!

To Maitain a Healthy Level of Insanity!!!

just received this sounds alot like me so I thought that I would share it with you.

1. Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down...

2. Page yourself over the intercom and don't disquise your voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotton over their caffeine addiction switch it to espresso.

5. In the memo field on your checks write; For marijuana

6. With a serious face order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

7. Specify that your "Drive through order" is "To Go"

8. When the money comes out of the ATM and your in a store yell "I WON I WON"

9. When your leaving the zoo start running and yell "Run for your lives their out!"

10. Tell you children over dinner that "Due to the economy" we are going to have to let one of you go.

Have a great night. I'm pretty sure im going to do a couple of these things just to see peoples' faces. lol.