"You have ten minutes" I'm dying

I got up and went to bed. Feeling bad cause it was my anniversary, and I didn't care. Wasn't going to wake up. Got up and put my moms oxygen on thinking I was going to save my own life and was really tired. Weird feeling, slipping into sleep, telling everyone, somethings wrong! I'm not going to wake up take me to the hospital. Now in their defense, I had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted to go back. They said that they didn't want me to catch something at the hospital, my system was weak. It was flu season.It was going to be ok. I was not stopping. "Take me to the hospital or I'm calling the ambulance." I started falling asleep while dad was getting dressed to take me. I wasn't going to wake up.... My little one ran up on me and bumped me which jarred me and I woke up. Out of the blue she said "Take mommy to the hospital."
My oldest daughter insisted on going which was a huge mistake, but I was too sick to argue. So we got to the emergency room and I told them what was going on. That I felt like I wasn't breathing good, something is wrong. I feel like I'm not going to wake up everytime I start to go to sleep. My chest feels like I can't get a good breathe. On and on.
So the nurses put the regular things on me to check vitals and so on. They were all good, everything was fine.
I wasn't giving up. I had to turn into my little bitch mode. I told the nurse well give me something to go to sleep and watch what they do!!!!! I could see my dad and daughters face getting red. They knew I was getting pissed. The nurse leaves.
Doctor comes in and tells me that hes sure I'm having an anxiety attack and everything is fine they are going to give me something to settle down and it may make me sleepy. I was pissed but in my own way was getting what I wanted. I needed to make sure that when I went to sleep, I was still breathing. Started getting groggy. But it was a different feeling.
Went and got several tests. I was thinking about all the money this was going to cost.
Here came the doctor again and said that he found the problem. I had gall stones and one of them was completely blocking my gallbladder. I don't remember reacting. Looked at my dad, daughter, sister-in-law. They had tired, relieved faces. It was in the middle of the night. Maybe that's why they were tired, or maybe they were tired of me being in the hospital, not sure. Probably both. But I was right, something was wrong. But what about my breathing? They were sticking to the anxiety attack. So I got pissy again. "I have had anxiety attacks for 15 years! I know what they feel like! This isn't it! Just relax. So now another surgery for gallbladder, great.
I was tired of waiting, had my sister-in-law go see what was going on. She leaves.
The noises of the machines..... Oxygen level was dropping, looking straight into daughters eyes she looked scared.
I told them.
Doctor comes in followed by sister-in-law and several nurses, what are they all running for. Nurses moving quickly around room. Family looking startled. Doctor says, "This is how people die" you have lots of blood clots in both of your lungs, "We are giving the medicine ten minutes, if its not better you will have to be flown out on flight for life and we will have to put you on life support!" Rolling fast down hospital hall, groggy, nurses telling me drink, drink, hurry. I remember trying to drink while laying down? I'm not sure. They were trying to get heparin, I think its called down me to thin my blood. Out.... Back... "Am I going to die?" nurse says, "No" I remember asking that several times, wanting reassurance. Or was I just thinking it?
Big hospital doors, opening, rolling, opening, fast... fast... fast... Where was I going? Where is my family? Oh God I'm dying. I'm in ICU

Stupid thing I said

I feel so bad for something. I have never said anything so stupid in my life.
So my neighbors have had their house for sale for like a year. I love these people they are an older couple. They have been so good to me and my little girl.
I saw an inspection truck in their drive way yesterday, so I called them. I asked if they sold their house and he was telling me how they had a contract and it looked good. On and on. I said, "I'm going to shoot myself." Like I didn't want other neighbors you know. I don't want these people to leave. ok so let me tell you what happened about a month ago and why thats bad.
We have a pump ditch for water that you turn on and off two days a week to water your lawn. So I saw that he wasn't watering and he usually turns my water on for me, so I went over to check and see if he wanted me to go ahead and turn it off. I go to the door, and she usually answers. It takes a while. He answers and I asked where she was. The conversation goes on and she is in another state. His head ducks, and he said that his grandson committed suicide. My heart stopped I didn't know what to say. And he almost acted ashamed. God for the first time I had a loss for words.
So yesterday not even thinking, I tell him I'm going to shoot myself! What the H was I thinking. I'm so stupid. He said no your not, and thats when in my tiny little brain, I realized what I had said. Shit. I didn't apologize, I just kept listening to him about his plans.
I called my parents and told them. My dad is around the same age. He said. "Oh shit, sis." Then he said that they are smart enough to know its just a figure of speech. It was a mistake, and they know I was just talking. I hope so..... My mom wasn't so nice. lol. She said I always tell you to watch your mouth. OK so I vented, I feel so bad. I would never say anything to hurt someone like that. Shit!!!!

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND/ MESSAGE I GOT TODAY

Received this in email today; thought it was pretty much how life works if you let it.
Although some of you may not believe in God, I do. You may have gotten this already but I thought it was worth sharing.

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled...
To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away." The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked.. "No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?" "See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile." "Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything." "This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it." Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this, is this man in trouble?""This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered. "Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place." The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?" "Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms." "And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?""What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company." "Oh." The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?" "No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty." "Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?" "Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer." The officer watched him walk away.
"You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this." She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest She stared at him intently. "Jack, do you remember me?"Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar." "I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'amsaid questioningly. He couldn't believe that ?" the officer such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry. "I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat.. I said that it was against company policy." "I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it.
I was afraid that you would get into trouble.Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register I knew then that everything would be all right." "So you started your own business?" Old Jack said. "I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons.
He's the personnel director of my company.I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet.If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he said. "Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you." Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.
"Thank you for all your help, officer," she said. "On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget.. And...And thank you for the coffee."

TEXT MESSAGE I RECEIVED TODAY

IF YOU DONT LIKE BAD LANGUAGE DONT READ THIS.

So I'm getting my little one ready for school today and my phone beeps. New text. I wait till we get into the car because we were running late and then put it on speaker so i wouldn't be driving while on my phone. It has a picture of a monkey on it and he is singing.
He says "I just called... to say... fuck you." Almost wrecked, my little girl has heard the word but her eyes were big.
He says "I just called... to tell you to kiss my ass.... I just called.. to say... fuuuuuck you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart."
Ok so I'm thinking what asshole sent me this? It was one of my ex friends. lol.
So I waited for a few minutes and couldn't help myself. I sent it to everyone on my contact list.
Just had to share.

HISTORECTOMY: Guys may not want to read.

YEP, Guess what? I became anemic, or had very little iron in my body. Didn't stop bleeding for months and months. I was on a high dose of iron everyday, but I do have to say that I thought I was tired when I was going through postpartum, this was a whole different tired. I remember feeling like I weighed a thousand pounds. It was so exhausting to even go to the restroom. When I would take a shower you could see the veins or my legs would turn a purplish color. The iron was working a little at a time but took months and months. Finally had an iron level that would enable me to see the doctor. I had horrible pain in my stomach, no appetite, losing so much weight. And a tired that I have never felt before. Still was bleeding, and not just a little. I finally, after being stupid for years asked my doctor what a normal blood loss was when you are on your period and then told her what I was doing. She said that I was losing more blood in a month than most women do in six. ..... So anyway they took all of the tests. Turned out that I had several cysts on my uterus, endometriosis on both ovaries. It looked horrible. They said that I needed a hysterectomy; Great more medical bills and no insurance again. This was a pretty big fight between my husband and I. I guess he thought I could wait. But then again he wasn't the one that had laid in bed for two years. So my parents paid for the operation and they gave me a full hysterectomy. It was really going to be a relief, I had been going through menopause for a year anyway, they said that they could leave an ovary in so that I wouldn't go through menopause but I figured I couldn't get any more crazy than I had been a few years ago. Plus we have so much cancer in our family with the women and why would they leave it in? It looked like worms all over it. Full of endometriosis. Take it all.... Should be an easy surgery I thought. I've been through allot worse. Ok well, I get out and just start puking over and over again. I thought my insides, or what was left of them were going to come out. Surgeries are pretty neat now in the way that they can just make little holes. Not really even any scars to speak of. I started getting an anxiety attack and the nurse wouldn't give me medication. I told her "You seriously don't want to not give me my medication, and I don't even think you can do that Ive been on it for ten years." She said that the doctor hadn't ordered it. This just upset me worse and here went the numbness, shaking, sweating. I embarrassed my husband. I said call the damn doctor now and get me something for anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ashamed of what a bitch I can be when I'm in pain, but its mostly when I'm scared or going through anxiety attacks. He told me to settle down. I told him to shut the hell up until he has had one. lol. I wasn't in the hospital for long and all in all I felt pretty good. My mom and dad were now living about 20 minutes from a hospital so I went there. Once again she was helping me with my kids. I started on the pills, I don't even know what they were, but the ones for menopause. I guess they help keep women from going crazy. Hormone pills maybe? I was doing it all right. Got out of bed, walking around so that I didn't get pneumonia in my bad lung from the back surgery, making sure that I was taking care of myself. Started feeling weird, like I was getting the flu. I would wake my older daughter up two or three times a night to put me in the shower. I was either freezing or sweating. At first I thought it was just the hot flashes from menopause. But it felt different to me. I felt like when I went to sleep I wasn't going to wake up; Then