How did I get like this???

It about four in the morning. Can't sleep. Starting to write about all of this stuff has really brought back memories. I don't know if that is so good. I was just wondering when and how I started changing. I don't remember ever not being in pain. Well there was one day that I didn't have any and I called my parents. I told them this is what people feel like when they don't have pain all of the time. I was informed that everyone has pain somewhere. But I have actually met people who don't have pain. I had scoliosis at like eleven, it just got worse every year. Yes, I'm one of those girls who got married at 16. Not recommend but I'm still married, so we have done something right. I had my first baby at seventeen. I wasn't depressed then, I can remember being happy and full of life. Had my second kid at 20. Wasn't depressed then. So I guess it started after my back surgery. I was about 21. That surgery is a whole other story. OMG, I don't know if I could do that again. Although its bound to happen. OK not thinking about that right now. I think it was the year that I spent in bed, completely dependent on someone for everything. Had my first anxiety attack at25 will never forget that. Its kinda funny now, although I would rather have another surgery than have them all of the time. I have to tell you that story in my next post. I was so full of life what the H happened to me? Went nuts at 30 when I had my third unexpected baby, which come to find out was a huge blessing my life. But the postpartum depression sucked. I am functioning now and healthier than I've been in ten years but its been a struggle. I think stress will kill you. lol. not really funny. Recently, well 3 years ago, had to move to lower elevation after building our dream home. This was all due to me getting blood clots and I cant breathe at higher elevation. That made my husband happy. not. So starting over. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? I'm sure that is true but I need some strength fast. The crazy thing is I'm pretty sure that people just try to stress me out. They are like oh she feels good today lets mess with her. Everyone is tired of me always having a surgery, depression, anxiety; I wonder if they think I enjoy it? Oh and I'm a grandma now. I love that baby. I swear to God if everyone could just act like kids do. They enjoy everything. The little things. The lesson I've learned after I was given 10 minutes before I was put on life support for blood clots. Making it through it and still kicking;

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS. I KNOW THAT'S A SAYING THAT IS ALWAYS USED BUT REALLY IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. LOOK AT LIFE LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD DOES, WITHOUT THE TEMPER TANTRUMS.